All Of The Feelings

I bet you all have been thinking, 'wow. Megan hasn't talked about her feelings in awhile'. Where's the crying in bars?  Where's the meowing?  I mean...could she possibly be turning into a well adjusted adult?  Nope. 

I am having all of the feelings. 

I figure, what's better than 'writing it out'?!

I hesitate to write about work in this lovely space. Which may seem incredibly stupid considering it's all I actually seem to write about. In all honesty though, I keep lots of important details to myself...like what ship I'm actually on...who my employment agency is...etc.  This is going to be an incredibly vague post, and for that I apologize greatly. 

When my ship was reflagged I struggled to find a new ship...you guys know this part. I looked high and low...and some may argue that I could have looked lower but, really?!  Who wants to look lower?!  

What I discovered when I was ship-less was that I had no seniority. I had been working for a company for years - they had no ship for me. I had been in the same group of people looking for work since I graduated (ahem, nine years ago). They too had no ship for me. 

I felt like I was on a fast track. I had been moving up right on schedule throughout my career. I really and truly thought there'd be a captains job for me in the next 1.5 years. 

Instead of looking lower and instead of borrowing money I made a drastic change.  I moved somewhere I felt I could build seniority.

When I lost my ship - and realized I had no seniority - it was almost sad to get my Captains license.

I shipped out as Second Mate. I'm happy to be here and lucky for me I've always enjoyed this position. I enjoy being the navigator. Not having to listen to bitching sailors and overtime disputes first thing in the morning as Chief Mate...I don't miss that. 

Except. You knew there was a but. 

I feel like I'm going backwards. It feels like everything I busted ass for just flew out the door. It's gone. I'm back to square one. 

Here I am, essentially starting over at the exact moment I've hit my ultimate goal. Where's the fanfare?  Where's the red carpet?  Where's the golden egg?

I know what you're thinking. You're young!  You've got tons of time ahead of you!  You're right...and sure, I'll sail Chief Mate again...and sure maybe even Captain. Except that's probably now years in the making. 

Here's what it truly boils down to. I'm a lady sailor. It's hard not to feel like my time at sea has an expiration date. Years in the making?  That would have worked just fine for me....five years ago. 

There's nothing to be done about it. Curve ball. So, I'll just enjoy my time. Hard to complain about cruising up the Yangtze River and eating Soba in Okinawa. What else is life but an adventure?

Vague Post

this photo doesn't have much to do with anything other than there is a ship...carrying ships...and I'm looking for one...

You know how people write these super vague posts on Facebook or Twitter or leave a super vague comment on an Instagram photo?  I'm about to do that to you...

I'm leaving first thing tomorrow for California where I'll be 'looking for a ship'.

I'm packing my car with my sea bag, and any item required for a lengthy stint away from home base.  I'm planning on a worst case scenario of one month before walking up a gangway somewhere but, I'm crossing my fingers (like, crossing them hard) that something pops up before then.  

This might be considered putting all my happiness eggs in one basket - or it could be considered taking a risk with happiness in mind.  The jury is still out.

If you want to better understand what I'm up to I can't recommend the book Looking For A Ship enough.  This book is about one of my Captains at Maine Maritime Academy and his hunt for a ship - and then later about his time aboard the vessel.  It's great and I actually just cracked it open again!

Via

If you'd like more specifics about what I'm up to (because of course there's more to the story) drop me a line and I'll shoot you a personal email!  I'm really just trying hard to not put all my work business out into the interwebz!  Thanks for your understanding.

Real Talk.

this lovely rose was sent to me by my mom.  congrats capt megan! the card read.  love.

This blog makes me seem pretty positive doesn't it?  All these Mettle Makers.  All this talk of Captain's Licenses.  All these things that keep me positive during a Job Hunt.

Let's shoot for a little transparency.  Real Talk if you will.

This morning I called my Mom and was beside myself.  Companies weren't calling me back.  I didn't know who to call next.  I don't know what I want to do next.  More deep sea?  Offshore on a drillship?  Go to an office?  The online job websites aren't working.  I was near tears.

I felt pissed.  I just got my Captains License.  I should be over the moon.  Instead, I'm job hunting and having to defend my level of experience.  Not fair.  Yeah, yeah, yeah....life's not fair. 

Do you want to know what my Mom said?  'Well, maybe you should listen to today's Mettle Maker....you need to be patient....'.

'F*@K the Mettle Maker!' was my retort.  What does that stupid Mettle Maker know?!  I'm going to RUN OUT OF MONEY!!!!!  Patience!  I don't have no stinkin' patience!  Patience was for last month!  This month we're working on, 'get me a freakin' job!!!!!!!

My Mother stayed pretty quiet....and then she said, 'yeah well, you're not going under today so make it count'.  I pretty much just sniffed and gave a weak, 'ya, ok...'.  Then she said, 'so what, you tap into a credit line...you put some groceries on a card....is this the worst case?  You're not going under yet.  You've got more time than you think....'.

She's right.

I'm not going under yet.

Mettle Mission :: Day Forty Five

Here's a little Nautie History.  

I had a tough ship as Third Mate.  My Chief Mate was a 'very not nice man' (insert every bad word you can imagine).  He made my life hell.  I cried all the time.  I was going to quit.

Then I had this epiphany - if I did my absolute best, if I defaulted to absolute professionalism, if I answered every one of his inquiries with absolute positivity - he'd eventually wear himself out - or better yet, he'd be the one who looked like a loser even though he was doing everything in his power to make me look like a total reject.

I realized that it was a matter of me biding my time.

I had an arsenal of 'biding my time' survival tactics.

I made a playlist full of antsy rock songs that I listened to non-stop.  I decorated my room full of photos of home and happy things.  I had three plain white t-shirts that I transformed with sharpies and glitter glue.  One said, 'Make Puttanesca'.  One said, 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'.  The last one said, 'Hakuna Matata'.

Long story short:  very not nice man ended up getting escorted off the vessel by the Coast Guard after pretty much diving off the deep end.  I ended up smelling like a rose, a professional rose.

Hakuna Matata.

Via

Until I get a job there will be a daily Mettle Maker - we're on a mission - a mission to get a job and maintain mettle - so we'll call it the Mettle Mission.

#blogshop

I decided to invest a little in my bloggy self.  I signed up for a two day photoshop for bloggers class called blogshop.  I've wanted to take this class forever but, due to my shipping schedule I haven't been able to make time - or more accurately figure out a time.  They offered an online version so I hopped on it!

My photoshop knowledge has increased exponentially and I can't wait to practice, practice, practice!  You lucky lovelies are about to become guinea pigs to the nth degree!  

I mean...I can now make colored geckos pop out of black and white photos.  These things are important.  

Endings & Beginnings

What's an ending if not a beginning?  You really don't need to be an expert on life to have that one figured out.

When I was displaced from my vessel it felt like a premature ending.  Within days of getting the news I had a huge surge of energy and it prompted to me to start my own business.  I figured there wouldn't be a better time to put some of my energy into something that would belong to me in the long run.

I filed the paperwork to set up my LLC, designed a website for it and, told my friends throughout the industry that I was officially available for hire in areas other than deep sea sailing.

I set myself up to offer maritime consultancy, surveying, inspecting, training and a whole slew of other services.

It's pretty exhilarating (*cough* nerve racking *cough*)!  While it's true that experience is on my side there is nothing like a new venture to get your blood going!

As fate would have it someone actually hired me - to survey / inspect my own ship.

I boarded my old girl as the sun was rising and greeted the foreign crew with a cup of coffee and set off to crawl around the vessel.  

I inspected cargo holds, ballast tanks, engine spaces - you name it and I probably took a photo of it.

As I left the vessel to head home and write a condition survey report I said one last good-bye and then I got in my car and did a little happy dance.

I've officially christened my own company.

(to be clear - I'm still looking for a job that will take me back to sea - I'm hoping to develop this new venture further during my vacations and as the years go by)