M.L.I.S.W :: Olivia Newton John

At sunrise the sailors on the bridge do sanitary. This means they sweep, mop, clean windows, tidy and re-stock the coffee mess and give the head a good cleaning. 

Lots of times they like to get started just before it gets light so they can knock off a little early.  

This morning it was just getting light. I was maneuvering for fishing boats and one of the sailors starts to clean the head (the John for any who are confused). I've got my headlamp on and am sipping coffee and am using binoculars to spot lights in the haze.  

One of the sailors comes out of the head with a scrubby and some 409 (the other sailor is on the bridge wing acting as lookout - I have a two man watch in these congested waters).  

Sailor, scrubby in hand:  you know who's fine? 

I turn around with a blank stare.  

Sailor:  Olivia Newton John

I maintain my blank stare.  

Sailor:  She's so fine. I'd do her. She's haaawt!  I love her.  

Me:  oh yeah... 

Sailor:  yep.  

Then he goes back in the head and keeps scrubbing.  

Weird.  

M.L.I.S.W. :: The Man In The Rubber Mask

During this last rotation at work we had a fair bit of time in San Diego (due to a really good bad day).  I was going ashore with the Port Captain and First Assistant Engineer.

We're waiting in the rental car at the bottom of the gangway (maybe someone forgot something aboard...can't remember why we were waiting...).  

Anyways, we're sitting there gabbing away when I look up and see one of my AB's walking down the gangway.

I say:  What.The.Fuck.

Then the First Assistant Engineer says:  What.The.Fuck.

Then the Port Captain looks at me like:  Are you going to do something about this?!

Then we all look at each other and burst into laughter.

One of my strangest AB's of all times (like strange enough to rival the hole digger) was on his way down the gangway to go ashore.....wearing a rubber mask..... 

I mean, just the fact that he felt he had enough room in his seabag for a rubber mask is strange....

Nautie Friends, if that's not weird I don't know what is.

Eons ago, I dubbed the phrase, 'My Life Is So Weird'.  It's become a bit of a joke in my family but, now, when I have these moments where I have to double check to make sure this is real life I call them M.L.I.S.W. moments.  You can read a bunch of them here.  

M.L.I.S.W :: I'm a Chauvinist

I realize I just posted a M.L.I.S.W. Moment but this one was too funny to pass up!  

Shipmate:  If a Chiefs job opens up I'm taking it!

Me:  You know, I sailed for a year and passed up two promotions before taking a Chief Mates job...

Shipmate:  Nah, I'd take it!  I'd be freaking out!  But, I'd do it!

Me:  Women are statistically less likely to take a leap like that you know....I just read a book talking all about this....

Shipmate:  Oh god....don't tell me you're a chauvinist....

I'm pretty sure he meant feminist.....awesome.....

M.L.I.S.W :: The Dongbang Giant

I came up for my morning watch and start checking out the ships in  our vicinity.  I click on the AIS icon for a ship that we're slowly overtaking.  AIS provides all the information that you see in the photo.  Anyways, I immediately start giggling because I have the sense of humor of a three year old.  The ships name was The Dongbang Giant No.1.  Now if that doesn't either sound like the name of a super famous porn star or the name of a dildo in a sex toy shop then I just don't know what does....

ME:  The Dongbang Giant No. 1?!

Second Mate:  The Dongbang Giant has been such a pain in my ass...

ME:  The Dongbang Giant has been a pain in your ass.....*giggles*

Second Mate:  Oh.my.god.  They wouldn't get out of my way - they've been in front of me alll night long....

ME:  *uncontrollable giggling*

The Second Mate had had a very long watch and did not see the humor in all of this. 

The Hole Digger's Hard Hat

The Hole Digger strikes again.  Yes my friends, that is a Sombrero with the top cut out of it taped onto a hard hat for additional shading.  I will admit, I'm a teensy bit jealous.  Why didn't I think of that?!

A few of you were quite fascinated by the Hole Digging.  It fascinates me too.  Minus the fact that you would have to be concerned with the condition of your belongings and, that you'd need to keep meticulous notes on what rail line is your rail line.  What I think about most is, what I would think if I happened upon an individual with a knife digging a hole.

Totally bizarre.  Totally genius.  You choose.

M.L.I.S.W :: The Hole Digger

Sometimes I share conversations that I've had / overheard on the ship.  Let me tell you....sometimes they're bizarro!  They always make me think of this snotty little phrase teenage me used to love, 'oh-my-gawd.  my life is so weird'.  Here's the latest My Life Is So Weird Moment... On the Bridge.  Routine watch with idle chit chat.

Me:  I've never gotten to the point where I can travel with just a carry on.

Shipmate:  Travelling with no luggage is truly the way to go.

AB:  I never travel with luggage.  I just find places to bury my stuff.

Me:  What do you mean?

AB:  Whatever I don't need to travel with I double bag in garbage bags and bury it.

Me:  Bury it how?

AB:  I just find a place to dig a hole.  I've found that the best place to dig holes is near railroads or in church yards....there are fewer people watching....

Me:  Are you kidding me right now?!

AB:  No.

Me:  What do you dig your hole with?  I mean, do you splurge on a shovel?

AB:  Nah, I've found that digging holes with a sharp knife is actually a lot easier.

Me:  Oh my god.  That's bizzare.

AB:  -blank stare-

Me:  Do you have a lot of things buried?!

AB:  Yah, I got stashes everywhere...I keep a notebook with all the places written down.

Me:  Wow.

AB:  That's why I like shipping out of Jacksonville instead of Houston.  Houston has too much concrete and Jacksonville has sand.

AB wanders out onto the bridge wing.

I look at my Shipmate...

Me:  Did we really just hear that right?

Shipmate:  I think so...

Vocabulary:  AB - Able Bodied Seaman - they are my watchstanders.

You can read more moments of weirdness here.