Yesterday I got off work around 1630. 30 minute commute later I’m stopping at a grocery store for supplies. I’m gonna make Kim Chee Meatballs for a Halloween Potluck at work. Make it home around 1730 to my pooch who has been home solo for 12 hours. (Don’t @ me. She actually hangs in the very nice yard and had socialization throughout the day…)

I’m in the kitchen making meatballs and feeling calm, balanced….and just so fucking proud of myself because I remember how I felt a year ago. A distinct memory popped into my head.

A year ago I got off work at 1630 but I was on my way home and realized I had no food. I had to deviate to the grocery store. I slogged through the store not knowing how I was gonna have the energy to get home. I loaded all the groceries into the car - hopped into the driver seat and realized I wouldn’t have enough gas to get to work in the morning. I could either fill up at a near by station or wait until the morning.

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel and screamed ‘Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkk!!!!!’. I almost started crying because my level of overwhelm was so high…just from needing to get gas. Then I took a deep breath and worked through the problem the way my mom encouraged me to do….because I was 35 and struggling with daily tasks and needing my moms counseling.

’What’s the next thing you need to do Megan?’ ‘You need to get gas.’ ‘Okay. I’m going to get gas.’ This is how I had to handle daily tasks.

This morning I woke up. I dressed up for Halloween. I had my lunch packed in the fridge. I had a potluck contribution. I was at the counter making a smoothie….and I realized I was excited to go to work on Halloween. I thought, ‘whoa. Since when did you love Halloween?!’. Then I realized, this is a new thing. I whispered to myself: you’ve never done this before!!!! (What. You guys don’t talk to yourself and your dog? Weird.)

Coming shoreside has hands down been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life and definitely in my whole career. It’s also been so darn emotional. I’m gonna start talking about it because, it’s part of the journey. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to sea but, this season of my life. This season I’m in right now. Has taught me so much - about life - about balance - about growth - about change - about ego. I’m learning every day and it’s starting to feel good.

All I know is I dressed my dog up as a Pink Lady from Grease. Which basically means this hard ass year has all been worth it.