(NOTE: This post contains politically incorrect racial slurs....sadly, being politically incorrect is simply one of the many facets of shipboard culture....if you'll be offended, please pass on this one!) This was actually two separate conversations that spanned maybe five minutes....

First Conversation

ME: Did you get the wake up calls made?

AB1: Yeah....

ME: Did they answer?

AB1: Well....'So and so' always answers but he didn't this morning....and then 'Mope' hung up the phone on me.

ME: That's terrible! I think you guys should come to a decision about a certain amount of rings and a hang up or an answer.

AB1: Well you have to understand Mate.....He's a Puerto Rican.....

ME: Ummmm....

AB1: AB2 reminded me of this....'Mope' is Puerto Rican.....we can't expect too much out of him.

Second Conversation

AB1: Mate, what's up with you wearing the hat?!

ME: I'm cold!

AB1: Really?! I'm not.

ME: Feel my fingers! They're cold!

(I make him feel my fingers)

AB1: Sheeet....they ARE cold!

ME: I know!

ME: AB2, wanna feel my fingers?!

(I make him feel my fingers too.)

AB2: Mate, that's just not right. You need Geritol or Triple S.

ME: What is Triple S?

AB2: It's a special formula for women that helps with Anemia.

ME: I'm not sure I'm Anemic....

AB2: Mexican women never have cold fingers....because they're always flipping those tortillas.

ME: OH.MY.GOD. I can't believe you just said that!

(both of my watch partners are now laughing hysterically.....)