It Takes a Village

Ni'ihau and a Rainbow

I'm gone from home a lot.  Maybe even a little more than the average sailor.  I rarely turn down work (this is a good and a bad thing).  While I'm away from home I have a whole bunch of people who help me.  My Mom, she takes care of a lot of my bills that come in the mail.  I have a 'mail lady'.  She'll scan things to me if they look important and she forwards things that need to be handled to my Mom.  I have someone who helps me keep up my house.  I have a lawn service.  I have friends who message me when I'm gone.  

I recently got called to work for a short trip.  It was unexpected but I didn't mind going because it was only supposed to be for three weeks.

I show up to the boat - and I learn that there wasn't any internet.  I was furious.

I know how that makes me sound.  Pre-Madonna Sailor?!  Spoiled Brat?!  First World Crybaby?!

Here's the thing, I haven't been on a boat that didn't have internet - even just the slowest connection ever to be able to check email.  My life wasn't set up to be away from the internet.  I was hoping to be able to transfer money from account to account, check email, and I mean lets be honest....post to instagram...

While I knew I had a bunch of people who helped me when I was gone I never realized what a village I had.  It was an eye opener.  I didn't realize how much got done for me and how much I was supported.  

My cousin immediately got the logins to all my email accounts so that she could deal with important things as they popped up.  

My friend immediately was the contact person for all things house related (I rent it out as a vacation rental).  

My Mom was more on point with finances than ever before.  I am in the middle of a construction project - she was now responsible for paying the workers on Fridays.

My three week trip ended a bit early - so work was kind enough to fly to me a training on the Mainland two days later *eye roll*.

A whole new round of support was required.  My Mom came over to help me pack - and approve outfits - obviously.  I had zero food in the fridge but it was silly to buy some.  Aunties and Uncles hosted me for dinners.  I needed pick ups at the airport.  I needed drop offs at the airport.  I needed someone to watch my car.

I've been home for four days and I leave again in two.  It's moderately stressful.  Except, I have a village, and they've got my back.

Thank you.  All of you.  I couldn't do it without you.  I wouldn't even want to.

Lady or Sailor?

"You might meet women who sail, but you sure won't meet no ladies."

light or mess?  lady or sailor?

light or mess?  lady or sailor?

 

The vessel is inbound for Bahrain.  I'm off watch and sound asleep.  The Captain and Third Mate can't get ahold of Port Control to gain entrance to the buoyed channel.  They've called and called - they've tried every channel they can think of - nothing.  I get a knock on my door.  'Mate, we need you on the bridge!'.  I scurry up to the bridge in my jammies.  The Captain looks at me and says, 'I'm really sorry to wake you up but, we need you to call Port Control...'.  I look at him blankly and grab the Mic.  'Bahrain Port Control, Bahrain Port Control, the is the Good Vessel Lollipop.'  'Ahhh...yesss!!!!!  Good Vessel Lollipop!!!!  Good Morning, Good Morning!'  'Yes, Good Morning Sir, We'd like permission to enter the buoyed channel.'  'Ah yes, no problem, no problem!'.  I had the Mic back to the Captain.  He looks a little miffed and says, 'Thanks Megan.  You can go back to bed.'.  At the end of the trip they had a shirt made for me that said:  you give good radio.

 

I rarely change my sheets at work.  One time, I ate chocolate chip cookies in bed and smeared chocolate chips into my sheets on accident.  It looked like baaad things had happened.  I still didn't change them.  On this last go around, I just spent three months on the same sheets.

 

I'm in Fujairah.  We've been anchored for a bit.  Spot market for tankers - Fujairah is popular waiting ground.  I've caught a launch in for some time at the Seaman's Center.  I have had a few too many Diet 7Ups.  It's time to head back towards the launch.  I may have 'escaped' my shipmates watchful eyes.  There may have been things shouted like, 'you're not the boss of me!'.  There is a flotilla of Dhows.  I hop on one and immediately scurry below deck.  I wake up the first sailor I see...and ask him to make me something to eat.  He is looking at me like I am craaaazy (and well....I guess that's fair).  I realize I'm maybe in the wrong place so I try again.  I run back to the main deck level and hop from one Dhow onto the next.  I scurry below deck.  I wake up the sailors who are all laying together around a stove.  'Hi!  Do you guys want to have dinner?!'  They're rubbing sleep out of their eyes.  I must have been the weirdest thing they'd seen in awhile.  'Miss Megan!  Miss Megan!'  I look up the ladder and there is a little Filipino man.  I've never seen him before in my life.  'Miss Megan you must come with me!'  He seemed so sincere that I start my way up the ladder and am on the deck of the Dhow with him.  'Miss Megan, we have to goooo!!!'  He grabs my hand and pulls me from the Second Dhow onto a Third and then we hop back onto a different pier.  'Miss Megan, these men are very, VERY dangerous!'.  I'm nodding like I understand.  'Miss Megan, you have to be VERY careful!'  He walks me back to the launch.  He exchanges rapid fire Tagalog with the launch operator and then the launch operator comes over and grabs my hand.  I look at my new friend and say, 'I have no idea how you know my name is Megan but, thank you Manong.'.

 

It's my first ship.  I left home knowing that I'd be at sea for Christmas.  I decide I have to take gifts with me.  I go old school and make cinnamon and glue ornaments.  They smell so good I figured people could use them as air fresheners.  I roll out the cinnamon and glue dough and cut out different sized stars and throw them in the oven to harden.  I've pre-poked holes and I string ribbon through them.  I take the time to package them in little gift bags.  I label each one for the specific individual.  I pack them all safely in a shoe box and throw them in my sea bag.  On Christmas Eve I sneak out and hang a gift bag on everyone's door.  Christmas morning I'm sitting at the galley table.  I'm just waiting for someone to say thank you for their present...and nothing.  After a bit I hear one AB say to another, 'Man, I don't know who left those cookies but that shit was fuuuucked uuuup....'.

 

I'm at the Farmers Market with my Mom and we run into old friends.  She starts catching them up on life and says, '...and who knew Megan would end up a Sailor?!  Doesn't she look like a pre-school teacher?!'.  This wasn't the first time she had said this.  We walk away from the friends and I look at her and say, 'if you ever tell someone I look like a pre-school teacher again I am going to freak.  the.  fuck.  out.'.  

 

I walk into the cargo control room.  The Bosun is sitting there with the Pumpman and the Chief Mate.  Things look serious.  I'm feeling nervous.  The Bosun says, 'Magpie.  We need to tell you something.'.  Now, I'm freaked.  The Pumpman looks like someone has died.  The Bosun, clearly the designated bearer of bad news says, '...you have the most annoying voice on the radio....now don't worry!  Your voice isn't annoying in real life!  Buuut, on the radio, can you try to lower your voice an octave?'  I don't say a word.  The Pumpman pipes up, 'Seriously, it's like a screech.  One octave.  Pleeeassee...'.  I now have a radio voice.

 

I'm on my first tugboat.  I'm getting to know a new Captain.  A week into our trip he looks at me and says, 'uuuummm....you're kind of alpha....'.

 

It's twilight.  I'm on the bridge.  It has been the longest watch ever.  I stood a six hour watch in the Persian Gulf.  Non.  Stop.  Traffic.  I finally call the Captain to assist me with traffic.  I have a traffic situation that's making me nervous  We normally do sanitary prior to daylight however; I have had one AB in hand-steering almost the whole watch - the other has had his face in the windows with binoculars.  I haven't made a fresh pot of coffee.  There was some sugar spilled at the coffee station through the night.  The Captain comes up to the bridge - sees the mess at the coffee station and freezes.  Then he flies forward.  He takes his hand and sweeps everything to the floor.  The coffee.  The creamer.  The sugar packs.  The carafe.  He whips around and yells, 'Megan!  Clean this shit up!' and storms off the bridge.  I turn around and say to my AB, 'hard right'.  I slow the vessel with the turn, let the two ships pass each other, complete my round turn and meet the third ship while getting over taken.  The bridge is silent.  My AB finally says, 'Mate, that was totally fucked up.'.        

 

I'm at work this past go around.  A dude from another boat says, 'I like your sweater'.  I look down and say, 'Thanks!  It's a good work sweater and pajama sweater.'  I realize that I haven't been differentiating between the two...and that I've been wearing it to bed and work...for three days... I look back up and say, 'I think I've had this sweater on for three days.'.  Dude says, 'You are a tow boater!'.  I felt kind of proud.

 

Someone sent me this prompt:  You might meet women who sail, but you sure won't meet no ladies.  I thought he wanted me to write about it but, instead he called it a prompt....or a psychopomp for the blog.  A Woman Who Sails or a Lady?  Is there even a difference?

 

 

Heaving Line Arms

​This post could also be called:  What I currently suck at (i.e. what I'm determined to ace)

Time for a little real talk around here, yes? Yes. I'm struggling hard with one thing at work. Throwing lines. Nailing it I am not.

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Sports? Could care less. Throwing a ball? Meh, I think I'll watch. Catch something? MmmKkkkk...if you're lucky.

I was totally the kid at the neighborhood Easter baseball game who was allowed unlimited pitches. I remember one year being mortified and just wishing they'd strike me out....see ya later I'm outta here. Except no, I had to try again and again until I finally hit it and made it to first.

Needless to say, throwing mooring lines (which are a decent amount of heavy) and snagging a bitt on the dock is not coming easy. Throwing a heaving line that actually makes it up the the barge? Also not coming easy.

I'm determined that by the end of the summer (preferably way freaking sooner than the end of summer) I start acing it.

I work on it every day...and my arms are killing me...hahahaha!!!

Here's the training program:

I currently have a 'heaving line arms' exercise routine because truth, my arm muscles are almost non existent.

I also throw the line every time even though someone is standing behind me because the odds are good I won't make it. I have made it. For the record, when I made it the whole crew cheered :). Since I made it once we know it's possible and now I'm working on refining my technique.

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I have a practice line on the stern. Sometimes I go back there and just wing it around a bit to build strength and see if I can figure out what's going to work for me.

The struggle is real friends, the struggle is real.

It's also invigorating to have a challenge.

Here's to making the toss more often then not!!!!

The Good. It doesn't come alone.

I just want to take a moment to say, 'I'm really not sad - or in a bad place'.  The blog posts really might sound like it because maybe when I wrote the mini essays I kind of was.  The thing about shipping (and life, right?) is that intermingled with all the bad is all the good!  Sometimes, when I'm posting photos of ice and dolphins I feel irresponsible for not sharing the other stuff.  The stuff that makes it hard.  While you're reading please just know that I'm an incredibly lucky human who knows it.  

Thanks for leaving me such kind notes.

This little note is in regards to writing about brave enough.  You can read more about why here and read my first mini essay here

Brave Enough :: Thriving and Healing

When you recognize that you will thrive not in spite of your losses and sorrows, but because of them, that you would not have chosen the things that happened in your life, but you are grateful for them, that you will hold the empty bowls eternally in your hands, but you also have the capacity to fill them? The word for that is healing.
— Cheryl Strayed

It’s hard to say if I’d change anything about my path.

I wanted desperately to go to Waiakea High School and didn’t get a district exemption - so I had to go to my intended school - Hilo High School.  I had gone to Waiakea Elementary and Intermediate.  Thirteen year old Megan was devastated.  

Hilo High School turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I found a really cool group of girlfriends.  Friends that are my family today.  

I started surfing in the mornings before school and fell in love with the water.  To be clear I was always a water baby but the morning surf sessions made me think:  I want to do this always.

I found the canoe Makali’i.  It enraptured me.  I feel in love with navigation.  With the stars.  With the magic of the ocean and more importantly with the magic of getting from point A to point B on the ocean.

I went to Maine Maritime Academy - only because I didn’t know about California Maritime Academy.  Thank God.  I wouldn’t trade my time in Maine for anything.  

I got out of school and couldn’t find a job, so I sailed AB (able bodied seaman).  On a tanker in Alaska.  I learned how to work hard.  How to not complain about being cold because the evidence is in: everyone is cold.  I look back on those days as ‘baby Megan goes to sea’.  They’re precious.  I’m lucky I didn’t get a Third Mate’s gig right away.  Those AB days molded me.

I sailed tankers and reached a breaking point.  I knew I couldn’t go back.  I decided not to return without another gig lined up.  I ended up Chief Mate on a heavy lift.  Hallelujah.  I learned how to learn.  How to learn fast.  How to trust my shipmates.  How to motivate my shipmates.  How to let people be who they’re going to be.  I learned how to float.  I mean really, Hallelujah.

That ship got laid up and I was distraught.  Then I learned what it was like to really not have a job.  It was terrifying.  It built a sense of empathy that I had never even remotely possessed for the unemployed.  

With 300 bucks in my bank account and a mortgage payment due in 2 weeks - I reached out to friends.  I drove two days straight - walked into a brand new union hall and got a ship.  I was flipped.  Totally flipped.  Except, I had a safe place to sleep, my brakes got fixed by people who care, I found a job.  I learned that your people are your people.  Forever.  

I sailed out of the union hall for awhile.  It was okay.  I learned that being a nomad isn’t always all that it’s cracked up to be.  I also learned that it’s not as cheap as you’d imagine.  I had fun.  I travelled to new places.  I’d do it all again in a heartbeat but, it’s also nice to know exactly where your garlic press is.  

I decided to drive to Seattle and try my luck there.  The union hall was deader than a door nail in California.  Seattle wasn’t looking promising.  I was worried.  

After a year of ‘being nomad’ and shipping straight out of the union hall I was drained.  On a whim I sent my resume in to a tug and barge company.

Three days later I had an interview and four days after the interview I was flying to Japan to meet my first tug boat.  

I wouldn’t have chosen any of that but, I’m absurdly grateful for it all.  I’m just going to hold my empty bowl and work on filling it up.  It feels good.  I’m going with: feeling good = healing.  For all intensive purposes I’m thriving.  

 

 

After reading Cheryl Strayed's book Brave Enough I wrote responses to the quotes that resonated with me.  You can read more about why here.  

On writing and feelings.

I've been writing lots.  I just haven't been writing here.  

Through the years (can you believe it's been five years?!) I've shared a lot.  Some might even say I've overshared.  

I really don't mind feeling vulnerable here in Nautie Mermate Land.  Recently I've made some changes - I can't say they've been in rapid succession but, changes have occurred.

After having distanced myself from the blog a bit I was feeling pretty blue about it.  I was on a tug and we were hiding out from weather in Tenakee Springs, Alaska.  I put on my rain gear and boots and decided to walk along the beach in the rain while listening to podcasts.  You know, as one does.  

I was taking pictures and picking up rocks and shells and sinking into soaked beach grass when I heard Brené Brown say this,  "I don't share anything until my healing and growth is no longer dependent on the reaction to it".

It was one of those moments where you say, 'uh huh!  yes!  exactly!  that's what I'm doing!'.  She was highlighting the difference between vulnerability and putting it all out there when you're not ready.  I realized I had been unconsciously holding back because I wasn't ready.    

Every one has their own method of 'processing'.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I listen to music.  I make a plan.  I whim and wah about the plan.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I move forward.  Sometimes I stick with the plan sometimes the plan is 'there is no plan'.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I move forward.

This time around, while I was writing, journaling and hermiting I happened across a book by Cheryl Strayed (one of my favorite authors), called Brave Enough.  It's a book of quotes from her writings.  I'm a quote lover.  I'm a quote collector.  I'm a quote scribbler.

Quotes have gotten me through some of my roughest days.  I turn them into mantras.  I share them with friends.  I write them on my hands, books, day planners, fridge.  I share them on the blog, on Facebook, and Instagram.

When I found Brave Enough I highlighted quotes that immediately resonated and I wrote about them.  They turned into these mini essays that were incredibly cathartic.  It turns out - I had all of the feelings.  I had so many feelings I was blowing my own mind.  

We're about to welcome in a New Year and I think I'm ready to start sharing again.

This is all to say, I'm going to attempt to make the blog part of my day to day life again.  I'd like to share some of my 'little brave enough essays'.  I'd like to show you some pictures from the past year that I've been digitally hoarding.  I'd like to share some quotes.  I'd like to talk about the night sky.  

I hope your holidays were restful.  I hope you're feeling inspired.  I hope you're feeling brave enough.