I lean towards organized chaos. That tends to be my modus operandi. There’s usually a loose plan, I figure out what absolutely needs to happen, and then the rest falls into place (or doesn’t) and I move forward.

Of late, organized chaos has felt more like ‘hot mess’.

It’s been a big mishmash of things. The heart wrenching loss of the El Faro, my missing purse with requisite shut down credit cards, new IDs and cellphone, a root canal and a lot of work on the homefront. I’ve been wallowing in my less than organized hot mess-ness.

I like to allow myself to ‘let myself relax’. I feel like it’s my reward for being on point at work. Except that at times it feels pathetic.

This week I got an impromptu request to do a boat delivery from Seattle to Alaska. It felt like horrible timing. My house is torn apart. Alaska is cold. I’m in ‘let myself relax’ mode. I agreed to go because: Hello Big Picture!

I decided that it was such a short trip that I didn’t need to ‘think to hard about packing’. I read my book, did some laundry, played with the dog, listened to music and, took a bath.

Then I woke up at 0330 and flew around the house like a hot mess.

I went to sea - for admittedly a short trip - but seriously whats a short trip - you know how these things turn out -7 days turns into 14 - with dishes in my sink and garbage in the trashcan.

I have to admit that I feel disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I let myself relax straight into being a hot mess.

Here’s to a safe trip to sea, an attitude adjustment and a clean up when I return.

Here’s also to the best mom ever - don’t worry friends I won’t return to maggots. Love You Mamikins!

ps the photo is of my favorite dog LuLu. I love you all too much to post a picture of my messy kitchen. You’re Welcome. Smooches.